Heavy heart

Now that summer is over :( I'm back in more of a routine :) I have been hosting W.A.R. home parties over the summer. I have sold about 14 or 15 goats in the last 3 months! I get so very excited about the goats. I am just happy people open their homes to hear about human trafficking and get involved even if they weren't to purchase anything (which has never happened!)

Today I volunteered with a friend from The Hope Project. http://www.missionhopeproject.org/ This is a safe house opening in West Michigan that will house girls ages 12-17 who have been rescued from sex trafficking right here. So, today Amanda & I passed out almost 600 fliers in downtown Grand Rapids (this is the 4th day they've been down there-all together passed out 2,000 fliers) We hit up alot of the visitors for Artprize http://www.artprize.org/home I would say about 90% of the people we talked with were interested (or at least pretended to be) in what we were talking about. We weren't selling anything or asking for any money-just bringing awareness. Out of that 90%, 25% wanted more info to get involved or were already involved in anti trafficking, and another 25% had to be told repeatedly that this IS happening right here in Grand Rapids. It's not just a "big city" problem.

However, I had a FEW people that were down right rude. Sure, they probably thought I wanted money, or was selling something obnoxious, but they seemed upset I had even taken 15 seconds of their day. Here were some of the responses "Not interested", "Doesn't effect me", "there's more important things", "yeah right, like people really sell girls around here", "trafficking happens b/c of all those religious people" (I don't even think that last one makes sense-maybe they didn't know what trafficking even was) But I think the looks people gave were most disturbing. I know a few out of almost 600 for the day shouldn't bother me, but for some reason they do. AND I tend to let it fester to the point of bitterness toward these "ignorant people" That is SO not the way my heart/attitude should be responding. I just need to be praising my Father for the people who have a heart for this and needed the info they received. I need to be praising HIM for the safe house for the victims. I need to be praising HIM for the freedom to even go out and pass out this info and bring awareness that maybe could help someone.

Bitterness is something I have always struggled with. As far back as I can remember, if there were something said about me or someone who just didn't like me, I could never just let it go. I would agonize over what could I have done to deserve the rumors/dislike from someone? And if I didn't think someone had a good reason for not wanting to become friends, I grew bitter towards them. If someone hurts me, I hold a grudge even IF they've asked for forgiveness. That grudge turns into bitterness. When I have bitterness in my heart there's just a little less room for the Love of Jesus I am supposed to be portraying throughout my life everyday. It is flat out SIN. I can blame it on insecurities, I can blame it on just being human. But I just need to step up and take the blame. No one is causing me to become bitter. I am responsible for my own heart and my own bitterness issues. I need to let go. I need to surrender all to HIM. I need fall on my face. Honestly who am I? When bitterness creeps into my heart who am I? Certainly NOT who my Father wants me to be. Certainly NOT a loving sister. I am too busy focusing on "whose done me wrong" to worry about anyone else. I become so selfish. My bitterness turns me into a selfish pity party. That is NOT who I want to be at all.

Father, forgive me. Take my heart that is full of my selfishness, bitterness, my filthy SIN. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness and renewal, but I know you are a gracious, healer. Heal me LORD. Wash my filthiness in the blood of the cross. Purify me. I want people to see YOU when I look into their eyes. I want people to see YOU in my day to day routine. I praise you for being so faithful when I am not. Lord, it IS my desire to follow YOU and I get so discouraged when I take the focus off you and put it where it doesn't belong. Carry me back to the foot of the cross. I am too stubborn sometimes to follow you there. Just carry me Father.

And, Father, hold these precious girls. Protect them form the preditors. Let someone show these girls their true worth & they have value in you. Protect the volunteers and residents of The Hope Project. Thank you Lord for new beginings every day. Thank you for your promises and protection, your provision and HOPE.